Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based therapy that has been proven to be an effective treatment for a variety of mental health disorders, including depression and anxiety. DBT has also been found to help in couples counseling because one of its four modules, Interpersonal Effectiveness, focuses on communication and building and maintaining meaningful relationships. In my experience as a therapist, one of the top reasons couples seek counseling is due to communication issues. People often express feeling unheard and/or invalidated by their partners. I’ve also noticed that many people cannot communicate wants, set boundaries, and enforce limits in their relationships.
Validation
A big focus in Interpersonal Effectiveness is on Validation. Most of us are either quick to fix a problem or minimize a person’s experience, which can lead to resentment and anger. Can you relate to hearing or saying, “Why don’t you just listen to me” or “but it’s important to me!!” I believe that we were put on the planet to connect with others which is the basis of Interpersonal Psychology, and when our relationships suffer, we suffer. Validation helps bring couples in therapy closer together because it shows the other person that their experience is true and meaningful. At the end of the day, I believe Validation is love. In DBT couples counseling, you will be taught how validation is helpful and how to validate your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Another focus of Interpersonal Effectiveness is guidelines for effective communication to get wants to be met and maintain the relationship and self-respect. Most of us have learned how to get what we want but often to the detriment of the other person and our dignity. While it would be nice if our partners knew what we desired in the relationship, and because this is rarely the case, it is our job to communicate it to them rather than make assumptions.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness of Others is another practical skill to build and maintain a connection with others. This skill teaches us to pay attention to our partners without judgment but with genuine curiosity. This approach draws people in as we are more present to read social cues and respond more effectively. People tend to withdraw when they are only focused on themselves, making connection nearly impossible.
DBT couples counseling sessions will provide a safe and non-judgmental environment to focus on goals and learn skills to achieve happier and healthier relationships. We look forward to working with you!
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